A total eclipse for the numerically challenged.

The joys of the winter subsiding in the restaurant is the application for the pavement license in order to serve food and drink on the streets in an hugely European and international supermodel kind of way.
Measuring the area with a ruler, a tape measure, a wing and a prayer is not quite so glamorous. In fact its a bit of a pain but, we have found out the hard way,  necessary.
Why?
Well recently someone who shall remain nameless,  ordered an A board without measuring the size, just by guessing when they saw the dimensions online. When it arrived it practically engulfed the 3 delivery men and when it was opened people thought they were experiencing a total eclipse - as it blocked out the sun. You will see below what I mean.

A normal blackboard you might think.
But think again.

This is a 5ft 6 womans head just peeping over the top of the board.
This gives you an inkling of the size of it.
(The same 5ft 6"fool who ordered it)

This is Howie himself a strapping 6 footer - in fact a virtual size twin for the giant board.
On the other hand below...is the A board ordered for Howies Victoria Street.

Clearly ordered by an intelligent human being.
Aka Not me - the 5ft 6" nitwit.

This is just the job. Small but perfectly formed.
Lucky it.

Yes. The numbers in this brain do not work well. So I thought lets put it up outside anyway. Yes but no-one can lift it and if it falls over it might kill someone. A helpful onlooker suggested,

'Ah well any publicity is good publicity' I said

Looks of disapproval abounded so what are we to do with it?

Suggestions please....

PLEASE...

or they are going to cut it up turn it into a giant box and bury me in it!